Responsibility – How it Impacts Others
Responsibility is a topic many do not often like to discuss as I was reminded a few years ago in a discussion with a friend. She said, “no one wants to be accountable or responsible.” That statement sorta blew me away and my response was something like, “you’ve got to be kidding, what do you mean?”
As we further discussed this topic, I was reminded that many people just live life showing up however it suits them at the time – many are consistently late for work, don’t meet deadlines, late paying their bills, say things that are hurtful to others, and more.
The reason this surprised me as much as it did is that I’ve lived my life showing up prepared and on time with a good attitude. That goes back to my high school band director – actually I started in band in 5th grade playing the flute – Dean Mann left a great positive impact on all of us that were in band with him. You see, he had an expectation that if we signed up to do this band thing then we would do what was necessary and expected of us to improve along the way.
What further enforced that for us was the motto we all have to memorize and write several times if we fouled up in some way. Even though I enjoyed writing, I learned quite early to do what was expected as a band participant, plus my parents had just shelled out a lot of money to buy me a flute so there was an additional responsibility not to let them down.
In the last few years and especially this year it seems to me that more and more people just are not willing to accept responsibility for their actions, they want to blame someone else, their medication or their parents, siblings, spouse, etc. People find it easier to blame than accept responsibility. All you have to do to observe this is watch the news or be on social media – there are examples everywhere.
One example of how someone’s lack of responsibility impacted others is Roseann Barr. (I am not here to get into politics, just using her actions as an example.) In her actions and postings on Twitter created a lot negative impact to the point where ABC, owned by Disney, cancelled her show thus impacting many people – the other actors, all of the people behind the scenes which are more numerous than I even know who they are. Some of them, if not all of them, were dependent on that series continuing to be a success and now they are out of a job. And when confronted or asked about her Twitter posts, she blamed it on a medication she was taking, instead of just saying, “I did it, it was my right to do so.”
Another example was a school shooter in Ocala, FL who said, “I wasn’t raised by the right people.” Again, blaming someone else.
My point here is that we have a choice every moment of every day to show up and do the things we’ve promised to do. I make that choice daily and encourage you to do so as well.
One of the experiences that I had a several years ago in a weekend workshop was to participate in the “responsibility game.” The rules: to NOT blame anyone, shame yourself, or justify anything for the next 3 days and if someone caught us we have to put a quarter (25) in a basket. Well, as you might imagine there was several thousand dollars in the basket (which was donated to charity) by the time the conference completed.
What I learned is that I’m pretty responsible and don’t often blame anyone for anything, occasionally shame or put myself down, but that I was outstanding at justifying stuff. So now that I am aware of justifying stuff, I try not to do that any longer.
Recently working in a year-long coaching group I were reminded of this and the coach added NO complaining to the list. That adds a whole new dimension to the game: NO complaining, blaming, justifying or shaming. I invite you to try it for a month or even a week – let me know how you do.
Let’s encourage our family, friends and colleagues to play this game and then donate the monies collected to charity. Try it over a family get together – it just might prove to be one of the most interesting gatherings you’ve had in a while.
And by the way, Dean Mann our band director’s motto: “I will be in the right place at the right time with the right preparation and the right attitude.” ©Dean Mann. Our small town high school band won many superiors at state contests through the years in concert band, sight-reading (new music we’d not seen before) and marching. We marched in two Mardi Gras parades in New Orleans and were invited to the Cherry Blossom Festival in Washington, D.C. the year after I graduated. I attribute these accomplishments to Dean’s expectation that we band members would be responsible.
Let me know what outcomes you have when you play the responsibility game with your family or colleagues.
©2018 Margaret Martin